Tiffany Largie | How to Turn Your Struggles into Strengths

Srini Rao: Tiffany, welcome to the Unmistakable Creative. Thanks so much for

Tiffany Largie: Hey, thank you. Thank you.

Srini Rao: Yeah, it is my pleasure to have here. So I found out about you by way of your publicist who wrote in and told me about your story, and I was kind.

Trajectory of your career. But before we get into all of that, I wanted to start by asking you what was the very first job that you ever had and how did that end up impacting the choices that you've made for the rest of your life and career?

Tiffany Largie: I had two jobs at once. So in Ju Junior High, no, in high school. I had this bright idea when I was, I think 16, but I was definitely going into junior year and I was two weeks into school. And long story short is I had this experience with a. Substitute teacher. I know this is gonna be so random.

Stay with me here because this is exactly how I get this job. So there's a substitute teacher and she says to me, I don't know what provokes her, but she says to me something like, Tiffany, you know what, you're like a cockroach and I just wanna step on you. And I get so mad when she says this to me.

It's 10 in the morning and I pick my things up, I walk to the front the front office, and I withdraw myself from school. It was like my last drop. And all up until that moment I had said a gazillion times like, oh, high school is such a waste of time. And not only did I feel like high school was such a waste of time, but I was like, high school's a waste of time.

I'm not gonna waste you more time. I'm gonna go and work. So I leave high. And I go and get two jobs at once. A friend of mine in another high school tells me that Jamba Juice, who's first time coming to the East coast, is doing interviews in the center of some mall. And I show up and then I went through the classified sections in the newspaper and I saw that these people were saying I can make $2,000 a month by by getting involved in I think it was almost like cosmetic.

Lo and behold, my very first job, same time, I got two jobs at the same time. One, I was working part-time in Jamba Juice and then I was working kind of part-time ish with a company called Centura Creations. But the truth of the matter is that we literally jumped out of cars and sold knockoff perfume out of a duffle bag and that, and those are my very first two jobs.

Yes, I know. Take a moment, right? What? What are you talking about?

Srini Rao: That automatically raises numerous questions. There are a lot of people who, in that moment when the substitute teacher tells you something like that, might just, hang their heads in shame and not do anything about it. So what is it about you that you think caused you to respond the way that you did?

Tiffany Largie: One of the greatest fuel, one of the greatest. Assets, resources that anyone can acquire is. Anger is one of those things that it create, it put, it's almost like throwing the coal into the furnace that revs it up. Like that scene in a movie where they open the thing, they throw in more coal, and then the furnace goes, and then the engine goes really fast through the water, whatever it might be.

Anger is like that, and if you can use to hold onto it and to leverage it, then it'll force you to push yourself to the next level. For me, I was just angry and my response was, I'm gonna prove you. The idea and the notion of proving the person wrong or proving the situation wrong or proving the experience wrong is for me, has always been the magic of what's allowed me to move faster or to do something that's just that's just I think that's the right answer.

So that's it. I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to prove her wrong.

Srini Rao: It's funny because I think that desire to prove somebody wrong can be a double-edged sword, right? And sometimes it can almost be the sole thing that drives you. And I feel like sometimes that can get in the way. So how do you eventually get the thing that you want by using that fuel, but also not let it define what you end up doing and being, because I've seen, people whose entire careers are defined by trying to prove somebody wrong as.

Tiffany Largie: Yes, for sure. A and I think that sometimes, there's a big difference with taking a leap and attempting to do something and then making it a lifelong mission to prove someone wrong, right? So there are some people who take on careers in their 20, 25, 30 years inside of a space that makes 'em unhappy, and that's a no.

You can't do that. You absolutely that's a losing strategy or going on a business mentally strategy. For me, I think that the perspective I've always owned is that I'm competing against, So instead of competing, trying to make a way to compete against other people or the person or item or situation that has fueled me, I really and truly am focused on competing with myself and because I'm competing with myself that it's it's a short wind test that allows me to have clarity on what are you made of, and.

Deciphering whether I'm doing something to prove something someone else wrong because I'm competing with them versus competing with myself. That's the barometer.

Srini Rao: So I read Audrey about Paige that you also, you actually sold candy out of a backpack daily in the fifth grade. Tell me about that.

Tiffany Largie: Yeah. So you know what, I really should have said that was my first job. So I'm in the fifth grade and. I don't know how I get my hands on a couple of pieces of candy and there's this girl, I won't say her name, but she buys, she's Hey, I'll give you a quarter, two quarters for the candy. And I was like, you're gonna gimme money for this candy in my, my in my bag.

And then someone else says, oh, can I have that last? And I think it was an airhead. And in my mind I was like, wait a second. I made a dollar 50. So I run home. I I, I mastermind in my head that I'm going to sell more. So I get my dad to take me to what's called Win Dixie. Back then they have these blow pops and I can't remember the brand, but this is a special kind of flavor of blow pops and it costs me like 2 25 for the bag.

And if I sell the whole thing, I'm gonna make $7. Next day I go sell this thing out $7. And I, in my mind, like I'm on my way to riches. It's the most ridiculous feeling ever. But then, but. Once I did this like two, three more times, I was like, oh, I'm onto something now. There are really strict rules in my school.

You not sell candy. This is not allowed. And I'm hustle like I am. I'm like sliding candy under the desk. This is a very, it's a very it's a very thing, but I get this bright idea. I'm like, you know what I, I'm going to the grocery store, I'm playing with child's play. I'm gonna get someone to take me to BJ's, which is the equivalent of Costcos on the east coast, in the southeast.

And I'm like, okay. So I get in and I find out that you can buy 72 Airheads for $5. Oh my God. It's over. It's so over. I find a way to buy two, three pieces of candy. I come back and now let me tell you, week after week I'm crushing like a hundred dollars here and there

Srini Rao: Tiffany, I lost you.

Tiffany Largie: every 10 days. I'm crushing like every 10 days.

You hear me?

I hear you successfully.

I hear you. No problem.

I hear you. No problem. I hear you.

Hello? Hey,

hello.

Srini Rao: Hello. Hey, Tiffany. Sorry about that. I don't know what happened. Just pick it up from going to BJ's to buy candy. I'll have my

Tiffany Largie: Okay, perfect. So I get this bright idea that I'm gonna head into I'm gonna head into BJ's, which is the equivalent of Costco in the Southeast. And I'm like, man, I. Walk in and I learned that you can buy 72 Airheads for $5 and 99 cents. The game is completely over. Because I'm like, oh my gosh, in my mind, I'm gonna be a trillionaire.

Just give me a couple of weeks and I'm gonna be a trillionaire. So I buy a massive bag of blow pops. I buy a massive bag of Airheads, and I go to town. I keep selling candy. Now I'm selling candy. I'm making like a hundred dollars, two, $300 a month. And my parents I'm loaning people money back at home, like I'm my own mini bank because I have so much money.

I'm so excited. But one. I got that infamous dark moment and I got called to the principal's office. I was so pissed. Like I was so angry. I'll never forget that feeling of Tiffany Largy, can you please go to the principal's office? And I was like, what? And it was someone who came into the room and it was all dramatic.

No, mind you, I didn't know that I had gotten caught. I was hoping this wasn't the thing, but I knew that it was close because I'm racking in like a couple hundred dollars. Everybody in my class has six, seven blow pops on their desk. The people in the class next door, like it's a whole thing. So I get to the principal's office.

It's dramatic. Tiffany, you can't do this, eh? And then the pi, here's where the lesson came in. And I think that this is real, this is actually what shapes me. My mom is called, my mom shows up to the school and they're like, Largie, Tiffany is selling candy, da. It's against school rules.

And my mom's oh my gosh, that is horrible. And they're like, she is selling to all the kids now. All the kids are hyper and all these. And my mom's oh, this is horrible. And they're like, Ms. Argie. And then my mom's you know what? I will deal with this at home. I will take care of this. I can't believe you.

Tiffany's the whole thing. And then my mom's okay, so where's Tiffany's backpack? And then the woman gives her back, gives my mom the backpack. And my mom's is all the candy inside? And my, the lady's, yes. And my mom's like, where's the money? The lady's what? My mom's like, where is her? We get in the car, my mom hands me back my backpack and she's just don't get caught next time.

Srini Rao: It's funny because I have the exact same story and for us it was when Sam's Club opened, and unlike you, I lasted a month and I got busted by the choir teacher. I had gotten to the point where I had expanded to three friends selling for me, and then some other kid took the whole thing over, brought a briefcase to school, and he made that last a whole year.

I

Tiffany Largie: What?

Srini Rao: it, but. I went home and my parents my parents didn't know. I remember the first day I just brought home a bag full of cash. We just happened to be at Costco

Tiffany Largie: Yeah. Yeah.

Srini Rao: Club, and I saw Cry ba cry babies, which were, as

Tiffany Largie: Yeah.

Srini Rao: Airheads at the time. And I told my dad, I was like, just buy these for me.

They're seven bucks. I'll come back with money tomorrow. And I was taking orders by lunchtime. I was like, we gotta go back. I got orders for the next day. And my parents didn't know that it wasn't, it

Tiffany Largie: Yeah.

Srini Rao: rules. Then they, when they found out that it was against the rules, they were like, you're not allowed to do this.

I was like, great. And so I had the, that's why I wanted to ask you about the story I'm glad that your mom's lesson was, don't get.

Tiffany Largie: She was, she was, it's not like she was encouraging me to it, but she, in her mind, she was like, you know what, like no harm, no foul. And I, and she didn't say much after that. My dad, when I got home, I think he was just sad that I got caught like I was an amateur, but he never said anything.

Srini Rao: Yeah.

Tiffany Largie: of the matter is that I really think it molded and shaped so much of my thinking.

Not necessarily about selling and getting caught, but it was me taking care of myself. I started selling candy because there were things that I wanted, we couldn't afford it, and I didn't really want a lot, but I wanted to be able to buy. Just little things, very little insignificant things and being able to say if we, if someone else can't do it, then I can try and do it for myself.

And I think that's one of the most important pieces because if not, I wouldn't have known that I was capable of supplying my own needs.

Srini Rao: . Yeah. Speaking of parents tell me about yours. What was the narrative in your household about making your way in the world? Cause I know that, your parents

Tiffany Largie: Yeah, my parents are immigrants and my parents are immigrants at, and the majority of who I am today and what I am today is. Is a hundred percent true to who they were. They were crazy, hardworking people and they loved me. I can't really say much about my sisters and brothers or anything else about my house or life, but my parents fought for me all the entire time.

And my dad drove a cab my entire life. He drove a cab he drove it first up in Connecticut, and then he drove. In Florida my entire life and he was such a hard worker. He worked seven days a week and I can still remember him coming home Christmas morning cuz he worked the night shift and he came home Christmas morning and, people would rag on him for like, why are you working Christmas morning and things like that.

But he was like, there are bills to pay and I'm gonna pay them. And my way of leaving this house and going out and hustling is how I'm gonna pay these bills. My mom was in. She always worked for some type of. Large company, whether it was in timeshares or travel hospitality, that was her space.

And she was often on the phones and she, I got to listen to her early on, talk to a person after person being in sales. And even though she didn't I don't think that back then she had an idea of, getting to $200,000 a year. I definitely know for sure that.

Was a woman who said, I'm gonna control my own narrative. And the way I can do that is through sales. And I think so many people just, underestimate what any type of a sales job can do for you. Cuz it gave her confidence, it gave her a place in the world. And that's it. That's the foundation of it.

Srini Rao: Yeah. I remember I had a ceo at a startup who didn't offer me a job, and it was when I was working at sales at another company, he told me, he said, that'll be the best thing that you can do for your career. He said, you'll never regret the time you spent working in sales, even though I hated it with a passion. And your dad being a cab driver and, working with this hard, what did you learn about navigating human relationships from your. because I'm sure he probably came across

Tiffany Largie: Oh my gosh. My dad came across so many people. He came across so many people and being in Miami, Florida, so I'm the only one of all of my family born in Miami, Florida. Half of my brothers and sisters are born outside of the US and two of 'em were born in. In the us, but I'm the only one from Miami. Grew up, born, raised, and left there after 20.

So my dad spent a good part of his years there. And if you can imagine, south Beach, Miami Beach, he's picked up all types of people. And one of the things that he really predicated on or doubled down on, especially as I got older, was the importance of just being kind to. So many, there are so many celebrities that he's put in his, that were in the back of his cab and they were either uncontrollably rude to him, they belittled him.

They spoke to him in ways that not necessarily were derogatory. I can't really say those words, but they definitely were unkind and I remember. I remember sometimes he would come and tell me some of the stories of who was in his cabin the day before, et cetera, et cetera. And then when I, growing up, every so often, my dad would actually put me in the front seat of the cabin.

I would do

,

the night shift with him, and I would drive around from 10:00 PM or 8:00 PM until seven the next morning, or six whatever, and I would see all types. And and we did it for fun. He didn't take me because he had to, or any of the above. It really was for fun. He wanted to expose me to the world and expose me to that.

And it would be great cuz he'd buy me a slice of pizza at 11 o'clock at night. It was just cool. But there's this truth about the willingness to be kindness to people. Kind to people. And in our country, we, my family's Jamaican, it's very different than the economic that here.

In Jamaica, everybody or in the Caribbean for that matter. And I find this a lot now that I teach so many different cultures from around the world. When you're at a table playing dominoes, everybody is the same, is at the same level. Like it doesn't, it's no one the social economics get left behind and whoever is the millionaire, whoever has a thousand dollars in their bank account, whoever lives in the shack, they're all the.

And so I th the greatest thing that my father gave me by allowing me to have a front row seat to watching him do that and fight for his family for years and fight for himself, and the way he knew best, was to level the playing field, leveling the playing field, and keeping everybody not neutral, but feeling important, feeling valuable, feeling.

Feeling whatever that word is you wanna put in. I feel like it's the greatest gift that he ever gave me because his care for people, his care for animals, my father's care for the planet. It's like, it's a underlying part of why I made a decision in business, especially running a company like one of my companies do the damn thing, which is one that I'm most known.

It's so predicated on just caring for people before the dollar happens, before the sale happens, before we do anything else and that's it. He just cared for people and didn't judge them and just allowed, and in that time when they were with him, he did his best and in return he could only ask that they do that.

They do their.

Srini Rao: Yeah. what did your parents teach you about race, particularly being somebody of color in America?

Tiffany Largie: I pause in that because my parents actually really didn't teach me a lot about race. Race in Jamaica is not really a relevant, as relevant of a conversation as it is here. To be quite honest with you, growing up in Miami, I don't even think I, it's not that I didn't pay attention to race, but they, we did not have, they did not have conversations with us.

Behind closed doors. Like I know, like my husband, his parents did or people that I know who had those kind of conversations. And the reason why is because we're more focused on social economics versus race as a barometer. Now, I'll tell you though, in some regards, that's tough because they did not sit down and have those kind of conversations with me.

What they did teach me to be and be clear on is that I'm always. I'm always invited to the playing field. I'm always going to have a seat at the table at all the tables. The world is a hundred percent there for me, for the taking. And I think because they didn't give me the limitation, I grew up not understanding that there was a roof over my.

And so even though in my twenties and thirties I had to, I hit the roof, my head hit the roof. The truth of the matter is that me not knowing and me not having that clear limitation I really do believe plays one of the biggest roles in how I build today. Now, I say that and I also say, when my, when I was about 10 or 11, my.

He used to work at Publix and it's maybe like a five minute bike ride cuz he used to ride his bike. So there's probably a five minute bike ride from my house to where maybe 10 minutes, but not more than that. From my house to where he worked in the Publix and real talk. I remember my sister and I were at home.

My older sister, she's about seven years older than me, so I must be 10 or 10 or so, maybe nine and she's 16 or something, and we get a phone. That my brother had been targeted, my brother's darker than I am, and he's much older. He's 13, 14 years older than I am. And he was riding home and he got targeted and they threw beer bottles at his head and he fell off his bike and he got hit and he was, bleeding and was being taken to the hospital.

And I remember my sister and I getting this phone call and feeling afraid and we didn't know what to do. My mom worked in a call center, so you could call there but you couldn't get to her clearly. Long story short is my sister scoops me up and we get on a bicycle and I'm like on the back of the bike and we ride over to the thing to go see the scene.

The police are there and all this stuff, and we knew that it was race driven. I understood that and remember my parents in that because they got no, there were no cell phones back then, so the message got to them slower. Honestly, I just remember my parents for the first time being aware that what they were looking at was race driven.

But I also remember them not spending too much time talking about the fact that race was the card on the table. And I really think that they did that because they didn't wanna make that a factor. They just. They didn't wanna settle for that factor. And I also think that they didn't wanna fill my head or anybody else's head with the idea that this was a race driven thing.

And keep me there. Some would say that's bad, and I've heard some people say that's, that's cause that's like one of those factors that held us back or held me back or, made me without, but I'm not sure, I don't. I know that was my first and one of the few times that I became really aware of this r of this differential of what was happening in my house, talking about race and what was happening outside of my house, talking about race for sure.

Srini Rao: Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate you sharing that because I think that, as an Indian American, it was the same thing around our household. We never really were aware of it. And I think we are really lucky because Indians are stereotyped as model minorities. We're all basically just, future doctors and engineers are now CEOs of something like 50 companies. But one thing that I so talk to me about how you go from jumping out of a car, selling knockoff perfume to doing the work that you do today. What was the trajectory to that?

Tiffany Largie: Eventually I go back to school and I go back to, I go back in senior year and I only go back in senior year because I realized that I thought I had enrolled myself in some type of, some type. Homeschool program and I really didn't, I really didn't have a program underneath me, which means I wasn't gonna get a degree.

So I go back to, I go back to high school and in high school in 12th grade. All I know is that it's, this is not for me. And I'm very much so drowning in people and the things they find important and being bored. I take AP classes and honors classes in senior year, which is like a crazy. I do fairly well.

I'm not a straight A student, but I don't have Ds and I get out of school and fast forward in between high school and 24, I have two children. The truth of the matter is that my daughter just turned 23 days. And even as I sit here and I think about the fact that I have a 20 year old daughter, like that's insane to me.

And it's crazy. Back then I didn't want, I didn't know what I wanted to do. There are a lot of people who get to 18, 20, 25 and whatever age, and they're like, oh, I know what I want to do. I wanna be this person. I wanna be this person. I wanna be a doctor. I wanna own a salon. I, I wanna be a mom.

This is my goal. This is what I want in my. And I really, honestly didn't know what I wanted. I knew that I, there were certain things that interested me. Like I remember writing an essay in senior year saying that I was going to, my goal was to buy a handful of buildings and to collect all of the homeless people and put them in there and take care of them.

I remember another, I, another essay that I wrote that was centered around healing people who were sick. So how was I gonna heal them? I didn't wanna be a doctor. I don't. I knew that I had interest in things, but I had no clue what I wanted to do, and I also knew that I just wasn't interested at being at the mercy of someone else.

And that's what those two jobs taught me. I was so frustrated every time that I, I got sick or something happened and I couldn't maneuver through it, I just always felt trapped. So at the age of maybe 21, 22, I have this. I'm working for a Fortune 500 company, but I don't have a college degree. I don't have a license.

I don't have a college education, nothing. I've taken a couple classes at school, but I can't finish cause I got this kid and before I can blink, I got two kids, Jada Meyer, about 20 months apart, maybe 21. And I am working for a Fortune 500 company and real talk. I get really sick. I pass. I go to the hospital, I pass that at home, I go to the hospital and I'm there for a couple of days and I call the I call like my manager and I wor I am working for a Fortune 500 company, but I'm like a, not a secretary.

I'm like an office admin kind of a person. That's my. That's my role. I make $10 and 22 cents an hour, and I've probably been working for this place for, I don't know, maybe five months. Call this lady and she's really nice. Won't say her name, but she's really nice, and she's Hey Tiffany, how you doing?

And I'm like, Hey. I'm in the hospital and it's day two of me being in the hospital. I'm in the hospital, I'm sick. They're saying that I have this, that and the other. And I won't be released for a couple of days. And she's oh, we were worried about you. I'm so glad you called, da. And I'm like, great.

And then she's oh, but hold on. I gotta transfer you to talk to such and such. She transfers me to talk to such and such. It's the woman in hr and I recognize her because she's the woman who actually she's the woman who. Does the interview with me, so I know she's part of hr and she goes, hi Tiffany, are you doing?

And same thing. And she goes, here's the thing. You don't have any sick time, so if you don't show up to work tomorrow, you're gonna forfeit your job. And I'm literally at a loss for words because I don't know what the hell she's talking about. I'm trying to figure out logically I'm in a hospital bed hooked up to stuff and you're telling me that.

Need to come to the place, but I can't come to the place and I'm gonna forfeit my job. I'm sick. She basically tells me that I don't have I don't have sick time. I'm gonna lose my job. I'm having a heart attack because I have two kids. My husband at the time is running the streets and he's been missing for months.

And and I can't, and I'm. Like she's given me. I'm already making $10 and 22 cents an hour, like I already cannot pay my bills. And the $10 and 22 cents an hour is a leg up because before that I was putting the kids to bed hungry. Now they're only going bed hungry every other day. I can't, like sh she's this woman is like crippling my entire lifeline.

I'm I explained to her again, there's no way that I can do anything. She explains to me again that there's no way that she can do anything, and that if I do not show up tomorrow, I am losing my job. As I feel myself crumbling in this bed, I basically tell her I'm gonna send someone to come pick up my things, and I sh I, I had no answer.

I was also so done at that point. I. I, I don't know if it was, I was at my lowest, but I had been in this relationship for years where I was being abused in one way or the other. Every other day was filled with tears. We were going to bed hungry so many times. I had already moved, forced the kids to move four times because we were being evicted because he blew the money.

He would buy more drugs. It would always be something, and we had to leave. I had to leave the little places that we acquired. I was throwing away their furniture. Like I was so done with life. I was done. I was angry. I also didn't come from the kind of a family. Where I had sisters and brothers and cousins and aunts who were like, yeah, come on over.

We'll take care of it. We'll help you out. It's a family thing. We're, we've got this. It was not like that. It was like every man for themselves. And my parents, they had their own battle at that time. Cause my father was really sick and he was in the hospital and I felt like I, I just wanted to die.

That is the truth, the majority of that time. So in between that, to where I am today, I spent years battl. Just whether or not I would be willing to actually continue with this life. And I felt the only reason why I stayed alive is because I couldn't figure out what would happen to Jada Maya. Like I would I love these kids.

They were so damn cute. And I was like, if I die, if I've gone, where are they gonna go? My parents will not take care of them financially. Nobody else in our family can take care of them. I would, turn over my grave if they went to foster. And their dad's not an option. His family is that's a different cop topic.

And so that's the only thing that kind of kept me not going. It just kept me alive from day to day. There was a moment when I had maybe experienced like another light level of violence and I watched my children cry for 24 hours and I thought about the a level of. That I had exposed them to with, and he didn't abuse them.

It was more violence around us, more than anything else. A lot of broken things and shattered glass. And the reality for me is that I had a moment where I realized I needed to own my own value because no one was coming to. And I think that's the it. It's like there's this hope that we hold onto as humans where we're like, okay, this shit is really bad.

And someone, somehow, God, something is coming to interject, intervene. Someone somehow is coming to help provide, aid a resource, assign something. I adopted this philosophy back then that I, that has been the backbone for me, and it is the core of what I teach in everything I do today. No one is coming to actually save you, so you have to save yourself.

The very first place that you start to save yourself is in your story, owning your story for what it is, not owning your story for what it will be, not owning your story for what it should be, not owning your story for what it could be. Owning your story for what. The faster you own your story for what it is, the faster you grow, the faster you own your story for what it is, the stronger you become.

And once I began to own my story for what it is at that moment, that's literally how everything changed. That's how I go from being this single or this mom putting her kids' bed hungry all the time angry, pissed off with the world, hating God and hating myself cuz I could never figure it out to building a handful of multiple six figure business.

Onto a multiple seven figure business. And now, today, here I am, having sold my that business eight years ago in 2014. Here I am today in front of a couple of meat companies, but one of them I'm most proud of is a movement. It's called Do the Damn Thing. And it is. It is. It is only something

,

that I could have dreamed of a decade ago, but it is all a thousand.

Because I made a decision to stop thinking small, stop managing other people's insecurities and make a decision to just own my value at that moment for what I was, yes.

Srini Rao: Wow. obviously that raises several questions. One thing that I wonder about, and this is something I've asked a lot of people, we hear about stories like yours. Typically, we experience the reality of your story through movies and media. And I'm wondering, as somebody who's lived it, what do we not see?

What does media get wrong about this experience?

Tiffany Largie: Media gets wrong. How many times we. H how many times it continues to go wrong. Media also misses how many times we cry in the midst of it keep going wrong. Like a lot of the narratives in the narratives of media, it's okay, there is this. Like the beginning of the story says the context is it's bad.

There's some type of situation, then there's a pinnacle. And then after the pinnacle, the challenge, the problem, all of a sudden there's the win, right? And the win comes, and I don't wanna say happily ever after, but the state is completely changed. That is not the case. Like that life card and that pain, that scenario and that impossible moment has played out so many times.

And that's the part that people don't see. They think it's like a one time challenge. Oh, she went to bed hungry and then she won it. It's like last year I was sent to the hospital or sent to the hospital. I went to the hospital after 10 hours of being in pain almost a week ago to today, a week ago, a year ago to this week.

And I had emergency. And for the last year, I have spent half of the year with a walker, half of the year in a hospital and I have been fighting for my own life. It's like there's this idea that we win and then, or we overcome the challenge or the problem and then it's smooth sailing from then. It's not, that's what media gets wrong or what media hides from the reality of the.

Srini Rao: Yeah. And then I think there's the other side of this too, in media, when you look at, a movie like Boys in the Hood, for example, or pretty much any John Singleton movie, it's like there isn't a happy. I think, I feel like, there's so much that we don't see in terms of the context when we see those kinds of movies.

Tiffany Largie: Yeah, I would agree for sure. And sometimes there isn't a happy ending, but it's because there's not a happening ending, do you stop fighting for it? You know what I mean? It's like that idea of, it's like that idea of the journey. If it, as crazy as it sounds, some of the, sometimes there isn't a happy ending, but it doesn't mean that there's not happiness on the journey and it's not worth the fight.

And sometimes that can be those intermittent wins can be the thing that allows us to have the worthwhile or the purpose. In the life or in the journey in the.

Srini Rao: I think the thing that really strikes me, and this is something I notice often when I talk to people like you, is that there are people who come from far more priv privileged circumstances than you did, and far easier situations than you hit. You did. Yet they struggle to take ownership of the story.

Why do you think that is? We're talking about the relativity of suffering.

Tiffany Largie: I, I honestly Today, my opinion is pretty biased because I spend so much time in rooms. I coach hundreds of thousands of people around the world and we have a lot of people who come to their live, like live events. And the truth is that I think it's cuz they haven't bit built the muscle.

It's like winning is a muscle and it's not because you become a winner, it's just. You become strong enough to con, to be able to withstand this many storms that come on your way to the wind. And there are some people who they're constantly looking to looking for shelter. Like the storm is coming, they're like, oh, outta here.

And then they run and they look for shelter. And then there are other people who are. No, I'm just gonna stand in the storm. I'll hold onto this pole so I don't fly away, but as soon as it lets down, I'm gonna keep going. It's a decision, it's like a decision that's made. It's not really whether someone's strong enough or white enough or black enough, or it's a decision that's made as to how were they, how are they going to journey?

Knowing that storms are gonna. What decision do they make ahead of time knowing that there, there's a storm that's gonna come and it's gonna come over and over again and the, and go and going through the storm is not avoidable.

Srini Rao: Yeah, remember one of my first mentors used to say, the problems don't go away. They magnify What changes is your capacity? Do they

Tiffany Largie: Yep.

Srini Rao: And I was driving back yesterday from the mountain snowboarding and. hit like a giant rock on the road. I think it was like a giant piece of ice and it

Tiffany Largie: Yikes.

Srini Rao: I was able to get down the mountain and I, and I went to the tire place and I thought to myself, if this was like three years ago, I called my dad

I literally went in, I was like, I need a new tire. How long is this gonna take? I gotta reschedule my doctor's appointment. And I went home and my parents were like, how was your day? I was like, that was fine. I didn't even mention the tire to them. And I was like, whoa. Something has seriously changed

Tiffany Largie: That's a whole thing. That's a whole thing.

Srini Rao: Yeah. Cuz the thing is I think that like the things that you think are these like huge issues early on it, I remember there's this in the movie, the social network, what Mark Zuckerberg is fighting that lawsuit. They, the lawyer basically tells him, in the grand scheme of things, this is a speeding ticket and. That, that always stayed with me. Not that I'm, admire of the way that Facebook has built their business, but that concept that, in the grand scheme of things, this little thing that seems like a huge ordeal in the moment ends up being a speeding ticket. In retrospect.

Tiffany Largie: I so agree. And you're right, it's really actually about the capacity, hands down. I love that visual of that, and I love that truth of you not even mentioning it for sure. I get it completely. It's not, it's all about. Hands down and even thinking about that so once you go through one storm and then you're holding onto the pole, like your thin, your skin gets thicker because you were standing in the storm.

So you almost like you build new muscles just by standing there, that allow you to have more strength as you enter the next storm. The person who consistently heads into shelter to cover themselves from the storm. They don't get any stronger. They actually get weaker in some essence, and so they never build more capacity so that they can get further, faster and to their winds.

Srini Rao: What with all the people that you see coach? Because I feel like I, I see this pattern when it comes to any sort of personal development effort where you have these sort of three groups of people. The people who will get a result, whether they do the thing or not, cuz that's how they're wired.

The people who would come to somebody like you and you end up being the catalyst for changing them. And then there's this third group that I call the people are stuck in the vicious cycle of personal development, which I honestly think this group basically. Contributes billions of dollars to this industry. What is the difference in your mind between those people? Because I remember I had this moment when I walked into the Boulder Bookstore. I was like, why the hell do I feel like I've read every book in the

Tiffany Largie: Yeah. What is the difference? So is your question.

Srini Rao: With the people

Tiffany Largie: Yeah.

Srini Rao: Yeah. You like between the people who make something happen versus the ones who don't.

Tiffany Largie: Yeah. You know what's interesting is that like in our, so all of the companies I, I run are not coaching. And I personally actually don't coach anymore. What I find, and it's because of this exact reason, there are two different people and in, and a lot of the coaching business models are built on some form of an ascend model where they find the person who is, who says, Hey, I'd like some, I need some help.

And then their goal is to continue to ascend them up through their world into bigger and better programs and products and. I, in our companies, we actually don't do that. And the reason why I don't have a, an ascend model, or I didn't start with one, is because I don't believe that the person who is a habitual non doer is going to magically all of a sudden become the $5 million business owner.

I. I do believe that they're gonna have wins that are slightly different and they're gonna be quantifiable in their own way. So in that essence, I think that the number one thing that trips people from soaring in personal development and you have to mix, you have to part the waters cuz there's personal development that is strictly just about personally develop.

And then there's personal development where a lot of these coaches mask a business win over it in order to keep the person there. So I'll speak true to just personal development for the sake of personally developing. So two thoughts. First, I don't think that the person wins because they don't own the truth.

They won't get in front of the truth, whatever it is. And so they would rather spend a lot of money dancing around the. Keep going to the events, keep reading the books, keep going to these retreats, heading to Peru, doing all of the things that have them dance around the truth, but not own the truth. And the truth for me is their story and their story.

It's one thing if you're like, okay, I'll own the truth, but you can't own the truth and you're only owning it to yourself if you haven't, if you can't talk, if you, if it's just in you and it doesn't. Audible, like no one else hears it on the planet, then you're still managing other people's insecurities and you're still living at the mercy or the fear that the world of rej and rejection or whatever it is putting on you.

So it's impossible for you to actually be free enough to get to the win. So all you do is you cycle, you get a couple of accolades and moments, you trip, you dance around the. And because you keep going to the environment, you're diluted into believing that you're actually winning or making progress. That is group number one.

Group number two and personal development. I, now I'll tell you, it is those who are willing to be rejected publicly by the people who they care the most, who win the fastest in personal development. Cuz that's really what personal development I feel like solves. It is that per that individual human who has been trapped by the experiences and people in their life and cannot break free.

And so now there we're personally developing so that we can develop past that, but you can only develop so much. You have to develop into something and they won't, the people that do, they allow themselves to, to, they allow themselves not being vulnerable. Don't take this as a statement of being vulnerable as much as it is about you being able to be rejected by the people that you care the most, where you stop managing other people's insecurities and you allow yourself to be whole.

Srini Rao: Wow. I appreciate this perspective so much because I the send model makes me cringe because I remember Dan Kennedy talking about this in a seminar once. He was talking about Warner Earhart, the creator of Landmark Forum and he was like, okay, sum this whole thing up for me in one sentence.

And he said, we sell independence, but we breed dependence.

Tiffany Largie: yes.

Srini Rao: that just was a moment that made me realize that, okay, you know what? That in my mind is actually not a good model because in my mind I always tell people, if I'm gonna work with you, wanna make sure at some point you need to fire me. I don't wanna spend the rest

Tiffany Largie: Correct,

Srini Rao: you.

Like I wanna get to the point where you no

Tiffany Largie: Correct. It is like eastern medicine versus western medicine. And when I got into this industry, I really had no idea that I would ever coach, I never wanted to be on stage. I was never interested in that stuff. I sold my company and I just felt like through some experiences of seeing an event, reading a book, I was like, are, is this what you're teaching people?

And having built a seven figure business myself, it was brick and mortar. My business partners were Xerox Corporation and Hewlett Packer. Like I was in the tech space of hardware and software head down, and I really had never touched the. But the second that I got whiff of the fact that there were these people who were coaches coaching other people how to become better, I just felt like, what are we talking about?

And then when I saw the price tags that they were putting on them, again, I'm not knocking the price tags, not at all. But I felt so sick every single time. I was like, she's gonna teach you how to build a business, but she has never built a business. What are we talking about here?

Srini Rao: Yep.

Tiffany Largie: Like it was, I'll tell you, I really became, I landed into do to what we are today because in the first year or two, all I was sniffing the water.

I was teaching and being asked to speak on stage. But I was sniffing the water. I wasn't thinking, I'm gonna build a program and I'm gonna this, that. I was put into a lot of experiences where I would see these supposed gurus and great people backstage and I'd be like, what? That guy is nothing like what he is on stage.

He's an as asshole. He's a jerk. This guy's a jerk. He's a horrible person. But, and time experience after experience got me quiet. But there was this one moment where I was invited to speak at an. And this is where I real I knew okay, I have to do something. You see a problem, you talk about a problem, and I believe if you talk about a problem, you see a problem and it burns you like you're feeling like angry and vexed about it.

Like you have a responsibility to respond to it in some way, whatever that is. Because oftentimes that great human has been given the solution. Now I'm at this event and. They're, they have a program and offer, and there's this woman, I swear, she's 83, 85, and she's do I take my life savings?

And the person the idea in the room is convincing this woman to take her life savings and to spend it on this $25,000 program. And the idea was that if she spends it on this program, they were telling her specifically, she'll settle in this program and. Sh think of the legacy you'll leave for your grandkids.

And I was like, I cannot be part of this criminal activity like this. I cannot, I will not. And I remember walking up to the woman cuz this was a moment of do or die. Because once I, when I made this decision, cuz that's wrong. She's, that's wrong on so many levels. I knew at this moment that I was gonna be blackballed by my industry.

There's and then there's wrong. And I realize that there's gray areas, but as there, there's no scenario where telling an 87 year old woman to think about the legacy she's gonna leave behind for her grandkids and to spend her last money on a coaching program, it's gonna be okay. There, it's never gonna happen.

So not for me. So I walked up to her and I sold her, ma'am, hi, you don't know me, but you don't need the. Whatever questions you have of whatever you're trying to build, I will help you. Like I like. I will answer the 12.

Srini Rao: I love this. I, yeah, I really just appreciate your perspective. It's really just refreshing and insightful. I have one final question for you, which is how we finish all of our interviews at the Unmistakable creative. What do you think it is that makes somebody or something unmistakable?

Yeah.

Beautiful. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to join us and share your stories, your wisdom, and your insight with our listeners. Where can people find out more about you, your work, and everything that you're.

Amazing. And for everybody listening, we will wrap the show with that.